The Seeker

Feelings

As I look at all I’ve done and the things I haven’t, sometimes I wondered why I was still here.

Some have said you have no feelings, my reply was, what’s feelings.

I felt lost and unsure of where I was going or who I even was.

With each passing day, my heart only became smaller and colder.

I often asked myself who the hell am I? Am I supposed to be what I see when I look in a mirror?

Did I bring all of this upon myself somehow?

I always was angry and felt nothing if I hurt someone that crossed me in some way, sometimes I pushed them to do something, anything, so I could rip them apart just to make them feel as hurt as I did.

My life was a disaster!

Then one day I felt something I couldn’t explain, I saw a child crying and calling for their mother, I don’t know why but I walked over and asked are you lost?

The child was scared and shaking, then with such a timid voice said yes, my mother was here and then she was gone. I felt like it was the wrong thing to be doing, but I said come with me I won’t let anyone hurt you and we’ll find your mother.

It took about 10 minutes of my time but we did find the mother, she was so thankful she gave me a hug and asked if she could repay me somehow, I looked her in the eye for a moment and for the first time I saw that she meant it, she really was thankful and felt she owed me, I only said no.

As I walked away, I heard her say to the child she was lucky to have met a good man and not a bad stranger, at that moment I felt goodness. I never saw it or thought of myself as a good man or a good anything for that matter.

That one act of kindness changed me, from time forward I have only tried to help others in any way that I could, I now have a life. Maybe not a great one compared to some others, but a good life and I’ll never forget that day or the feeling I had as I walked away. It became like a drug that I had to have more of.

If you can find the light it will guide you to where and who you need to be!


 

8 Replies to “Feelings”

  1. Because we are all one, when we hurt others, we only hurt ourselves. When we show love and kindness, we are loving and being kind to ourselves. When you start to think about the positive ripples you set in motion for the child and family that day, compared to the horrific ripples that another might have created, you can also start to see how your actions go far beyond a single act – they resonate out into the world. Imagine how many other people that family went on to positively affect in the future. That is your doing. How can the universe not reward you for that :o)

    Liked by 2 people

  2. So beautiful. When we lose touch with our good feelings, and the goodness in our heart is not affirmed, then life can feel empty and meaningless. Depression sits over us like a cloud. I’m so glad you had this life-changing experience that allowed you to access your good feelings and your goodness again.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Thank you for sharing this beautiful story!! It truly melted my heart. If you have Netflix, you should check out the movie Klaus. Your story reminds me of this movie! There is even a saying that is repeated throughout the movie”A true selfless act always sparks another.”

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Such a lovely story. I am so glad this incident took place in your life and that it changed your life for the good. I’ve been through the same toughness where I felt the same way you felt. I had a time where I felt that I don’t have feelings anymore and that not having feelings is a good way to live. Then a stranger who came to my life changed everything just like yours, I found myself back. Isn’t it so ironical that we have to go through the worst to see the best?

    Have a wonderful weekend my friend 😊

    Liked by 1 person

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