The Seeker

My Salvation

Good day, good friends and to those I haven’t met yet.

Salvation can mean so many things, to me it’s not been a religious thing it’s been truly opening my heart, for some this may be an easy thing to do and for some maybe even too easy.

I have had so much loss and made so many mistakes, sometimes I lay in bed and weep over all the things I’ve done or not done in my life.

I’ve written (chuckle) a few posts recently about things going on in my life, it seems like all I do sometimes is struggle.

OMG, I am so much a Libra!

It’s not an easy life when all you do is try to balance things not only for myself but for everyone in my life and sometimes for those that come to me about what they are going through.

Decisions should be an easy thing to do but trust me when you must think of EVERY possible outcome it’s not as easy as you may think. Every decision can make a domino effect so it’s almost like if I went back in time anything I did or said could have an impact on things to come.

YES, I know this is overthinking, but it’s always how I’ve HAD to be, NO mistakes!!!!

I know some may say this is a compulsive disorder of some sort but its really not, I grew up fast because I felt I had to after my father left my mother, I felt as I had to become a father and protector of my brother, this feeling never left and it filtered out to friends and family as I grew.

My family loves me and so do some of my friends, I became to go-to guy when things needed fixing.

Now I have been shown I matter too!

The light really is a thing, it’s been shining down on me for some time now, but lately it’s been really guiding me towards where I should have been so long ago.

I know I’m a good man and I’ve given up so much for so many, I would never take back anything I’ve ever done, I only wish that I had gotten to where I am now many years ago, it’s made me a strong person it a lot of ways, but it’s also taken a toll on me.

You see when all you do is think of everyone else you may think your eyes and heart are open, but they’re not because you deprive your heart of being able to love yourself, after time passes you may not see it, but that causes your heart to shut down on letting others in and you forget how it feels to have others love and take care of you.

My salvation has been to let someone in once again and they have been showing me that my life can be different and that I need to think of myself so I will allow someone else to do the same.


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