The Seeker

Pains of Growing Up

I want you to know I miss you!

I can remember all the little things you did for me as a child, every scape you mended, every story you read to me, so much love given when I needed it most.

As I grew up, we grew apart, but it wasn’t that I didn’t have you in my heart dad it was only that I was in too big a hurry to be an adult and start my life’s adventure.

I’m sorry for every phone call I didn’t make longer, I know you were missing my voice as much as I was missing yours.

I’m sorry I never wrote you back, your letters always touched me in ways you will never know now.

I sit alone at night wishing the phone would ring now just so I can once again hear your voice and maybe here a laugh as I tell you about the things your grandchildren are doing, they are all becoming such lovely people and I have to THANK you for that. If you hadn’t made me who I am today they may have been just more lost souls like I hear about in the news or read about.

We all know the day will come that our loved ones will no longer be here, but we never think it could be today or yesterday and how much we will miss them.

It has been a few years now and I still think that the call will come, or a letter will arrive in the mail.

I never wanted to cause you pain and I know that I have with poor choices I’ve made; I love you so much and wish I could take back any sleepless nights I may have caused you.

You moved away when I was very young or I would have visited by now, then again I may not have when I do I know it will make losing you real and I’m not sure I’m ready for that day to come.

It’s not me being selfish or maybe it is, I’m NOT ready to say my final goodbye.

I hope you look down on me from time to time, but if you don’t I can’t really blame you, our last days together were spent thousands of miles apart and I’m sure I made it seem even further than that at times.

You know I’ve always taken care of my brothers and family like a force nobody would dare cross, but I didn’t do the same for you. Maybe it was some dislike I kept buried because of you leaving me first as a child and now you are gone again.

I’ve never been able to love as most people can, I can’t seem to show it openly, I can only hope that my children KNOW how much they mean to me and how much I miss them when they’re not around.

I had to grow up fast because I felt I had to replace you for my younger brother and mother.

IF YOU ARE STILL READING THIS DON’T JUST DISMISS IT AFTER YOU’RE DONE!

Pick up the phone or sit down and write and let those that matter the most to you know you’re thinking of them.

I’m just a man dad so I’m not sure but I hope there really is a heaven so that I can see you again and let you know just how much you have always meant to me.

14 Replies to “Pains of Growing Up”

  1. You’ve made me cry 😢 Honey, he’s still with you, just on the other side of a thin veil. You don’t have to say goodbye, just say “I’ll be seeing you…” 💖 Don’t be hard on yourself for your youthful actions, because we all do that and he understands. All you need to do is live a life he would be proud of. And the big secret is that he’s already proud of you 😘

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Condolences James

    Never easy losing a real parent you were blessed and lucky to have 2 loving parents for me not so much .

    My father is amazing and very wise, cerebral fella taught me a lot

    “It” on the other hand wishing that twisted suka to furthest ,deepest abyss of Hell’s trenches would be an act of too merciful when they should endured and suffering in aspiration as they tried to do to me…

    “I am alive and still breathe because of fucking ME”

    https://evolutionofselffeedyourhunger.wordpress.com/2019/09/30/suffocated-into-silence/

    Luas dia I do thuras James

    Alex

    Liked by 1 person

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