J. H. Ward's life Blog

Going Home

This has been one of my hardest Blogs to write!

Have you had something in your life that was life changing? I have had a couple and this was the biggest and hardest. Maybe because of my youth or that it was so catastrophic.

When I was in my very young teens I met someone that came into my life and to this day I still love with all of my beings.

She in my eyes was beautiful and always so kind. She told me about many things she wished she could change, one of which was the loss of her mother to a wreck years ago.

We didn’t have many dates and we didn’t get to do the things that I’ve done since while dating others.

But we did get very close and she became more than just a girl I fell in love with she became my friend.

God must have heard her prayers and her cries at night because she and her family went into town one day and she got her hair done and was feeling like more of the girl I came to know and love.

On the way home, she was allowed to drive and God used this day to bring Robbin to his home so she could once again be with her mother!

I was at work when I received a call from my mother telling me what had happened. Needless to say, I really did feel I hit rock bottom and this changed me and who I am.

I was asked to be a pallbearer for her and I did knowing what I was about to do was so hard but, it was the last thing I could ever do for her so I was proud to do so.

I have very few pictures of her and sometimes I can hardly bring myself to look at them because everything comes crashing back but then I know I have to look at them and remember her and her voice. I still visit her from time to time but I’m ashamed it isn’t more often.

Home in Mother’s Embrace

17 Replies to “Going Home”

  1. I vowed I will never surrender to the Storm sometimes things that are the most violent and unrelenting come from within, when our minds have been fracture from schism of erosion you are never the same again . Learning how to cope and adapt is vital response to truly living life not just surviving I am learning this myself first hand as I’m sure you are aware from my testament.

    And its okay to say I am not fine things are not good !

    Losing someone or member of your pack is never easy ” there are those that tell you time heals everything to comfort you is just a mirage. Through my experience what doesn’t rip you to shreds from persecution of the Storm’s rage aftermath of destruction left in its wake. Teaches you to endured and some wounds always remain never close. Just salted soaked deeper into the wounds but after all you been inflicted and you still remain strong and persevere shows that you will never surrender to violence that the Storms in life try to put you on your knees permanently.

    “Without Death there is no new life” mate



    Liked by 2 people

      1. The true North ! anytime no matter what storms try to eradicate me into shattered pieces I will never stand by and let others lash out in silent terror.

        I am the A P E X and as such no one will ever stand alone !

        “Alpha always is the guardian protector of their pack”

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow, this truly touched my heart. This, in combination with a few of your blogs that I’ve read, really paints a picture of a beautiful soul that shined so much light and love in your world, despite and throughout some of her darkest and most devastating moments. This tells me that you were her person, her safe place to be vulnerable and fall apart, her place of joy and peace in this cruel world and she was your angel on earth and is now your angel from above. Be kind to yourself, appreciate the moments and memories you had with her and continue to share yalls story. I hope that it helps someone, anyone, especially those who may be enduring the same tragic love that not only breaks your spirit and your heart but also leaves bumps, bruises, broken bones and shattered dreams in their path.

    Liked by 1 person

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